FREEDOM IN FORGIVENESS
Twenty-fourth Sunday in Ordinary Time
“Then Peter, approaching, asked him, 'Lord, if my brother sins against me, how often must I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus answered, "I say to you, not seven times but seventy-seven times" (Mt. 18:21-35)
There is something that stands out to me about what Peter asked Jesus: “....how often must I forgive him?” Peter doesn’t ask whether his brother will sin against him, but his question reveals that he knows (perhaps subconsciously) that it will happen more than once. If Peter, a man, expects this, then how much more does the Father, who knows all and knows us completely, know that we will sin not only against each other, but will sin against Him repeatedly?
While reflecting on my own experiences with forgiveness, several questions came to mind. Questions that I certainly don’t claim to have the correct answers to!
Why is it hard to forgive others?
Do you expect to be forgiven when you can’t forgive someone else?
Is forgiveness a feeling or a choice?
Is refusing to forgive someone a form of pride?
Is holding on to unforgiveness hurting you more than the person you need to forgive?
Again, I won’t attempt to answer each of these questions, but I will share a few of my thoughts with you.
When I think of forgiveness, I think of it in three layers:
God forgives us.
We forgive others.
We forgive ourselves.
For the sake of time (and out of respect for the 500-700 word limit I’ve been given Haha!), I’ll just focus on the second layer: We forgive others.
Forgiving someone who hurt us can be difficult for several messy and complicated reasons. Sometimes, the pain is so great, we can’t think or see past it. It remains our current state, and we get stuck. Paralyzed. And we can’t move forward, often replaying the hurt over and over again, continuously reliving it. It can also be that we just don’t think they deserve to be forgiven. We want them to live with what they’ve done to us, to suffer as much as we are suffering.
But there are a few issues with these ways of thinking. They can cause us to carry the burden of unforgiveness, and that burden turns into bitterness, doing more damage to our souls. Sometimes this damage is more deeper and more lasting than the initial act that caused our pain.
A few truths about forgiveness that God has revealed to me over the years:
Freedom - There is freedom in forgiveness. What if forgiving someone is actually saying, “I won’t be held in bondage by this”? What if forgiveness means, “I will not let bitterness grow in my heart because of this”?
Grace - Forgiveness is not saying, “It’s OK that you hurt me,” but it’s an extension of the same grace and mercy that God gives us every day. And yet, we can be quick to receive that grace for ourselves while holding onto it and rationing it out to others as we see fit.
Surrender - Forgiving others is not something we have to do on our own, in our own strength. Maybe that’s why we find it so hard. Maybe this is where most of us go wrong - trying to do it ourselves, instead of surrendering and asking God for help. He gives us the grace to forgive, even to forgive seventy-seven times, as Jesus instructed Peter. And that same grace extends to the person who hurt us when we forgive them.
It is the love of God flowing through us and extending His grace through us to that person. We become a conduit of His grace, and there’s a healing that begins in us when we forgive others.
I started praying for someone who hurt me, and I found it very difficult to pray for them and harbor ill feelings toward them at the same time. My heart began to turn toward forgiveness, and that movement was God’s grace for me, His strength in me, in my humanness, my weakness.
Now, the thoughts I shared are my humble opinion and based on my own experiences with hurt, bitterness, unforgiveness, God’s grace, mercy, and the gift of freedom.
But I invite you to reflect on those questions I shared earlier through the lens of your own experiences.
“....bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if one has a grievance against another; as the Lord has forgiven you, so must you also do" (Col. 3:13).
About the Author: Sheronne Wilson is based in the Washington, DC area and is blessed to call both Church of the Incarnation and St. Teresa of Avila home. She ministers through song, serves on the Liturgy Committee at Church of the Incarnation, and has a heart for using the gifts God has given her to encourage, connect with, and uplift His people in faith.
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